Mysteries & Africa
by Softballer21
Summary: The gang takes a trip to Africa & must search for a sacred albino bat before two tribes have a war. It's the Austin & Ally version of the 2nd Ace Ventura movie. Involves cursing & other things
1. Invitation

After I came back from my lunch break, I walked into Sonic Boom to find my cousin, Rosie yelling at a customer.

" It said it was twenty percent off," said the customer.

" Again, ma'am… or sir," said Rosie. "The sign was from our 20% off Sale last week on sale is gone."

" Then why is your sign still on there?"

" Do you know why the Grinch hates Christmas?"

" No."

" Then in this case, I don't 'know' why are sign is still up there!"

" That's it! I'm reporting your name to the manager!"

" The manager already knows my name. It took him until I was four to stop calling me Roxie, and three years to stop calling me Robbie."

" I'll see you in hell!"

" As long as you're not there!"

Then, the lady stomped out of the store.

Rosie was never the nicest person. I mean you yell at her, she yells at you back. You insult her, she insults you back. You smack in the back of the head, she'll smack you across the face.

" Rosie!" I said.

" What, Cous?" she said.

" You have to be a little more nicer to the customers."

" Well I'm not gonna be nice unless they're nice."

" Rose!"

My computer made the noise that meant someone wants to video chat me.

I turned it on and my mother was on there.

" Hi girls," said Mom.

" Hey, Mom," I said.

" Hi, Aunt Penny," said Rosie.

" How's Africa, Mom?" I said.

" It's wonderful! One of the most beautiful places in the world. I just called to ask you girls something."

" What is it?"

" You wanna come visit me in Africa?"

" Africa?" said Rosie.

" Yeah. You can bring your friends along. Austin, Trish, and Rosie's boyfriend, Fez!"

" Aunt Penny," said Rosie. " His name is Dez."

" I'm sorry, sweetie. He's a little… weird."

" We all know that," I said. " Of course we'll go."

" Great! Now your dad already has the tickets. You guys leave on Saturday."

" Wait, Aunt Penny," said Rosie. " Somethins is going on, is there?"

" What?" gasped Mom. " I would never… Okay. You got me."

" What is it, Mom?" I asked.

" You see, girls. The tribe I'm staying with worships a sacred animal. Their prince is about to get married, but the animal has gone missing. I need your help to find the animal."

" What happens if the animal is not returned?" asked Rosie.

" The prince was gonna marry the princess of another tribe. If the animal isn't returned before the wedding, the two tribes will have a war."

" Okay, Mom," I said. " We'll help."

Rosie and I called Trish, Austin, and Dez over to tell them.

" Africa?" said Austin. " We're going to Africa? Well it's not like it's Hollywood, but Africa!"

" My mom said that you guys can come with us!" I said.

" I'm in," said Dez.

" Me too," said Austin.

" Whoa. Whoa. Whoa," said Trish. "Africa? They have phone service there, right?"

" Trish, it's Africa," said Rosie. " I doubt they even have McDonald's."

" Wait!" gasped Trish. " No phone service?"

" No phone service, Trish," I said.

" How can Africans live like that?"

" Trish, come on," said Austin. "You'll be with us. Your friends. I'm sure the people in Africa do the same things that us Americans do."

" Okay!" said Trish. " I'll go!"

" Great!" I said. " We leave on Saturday!"


	2. Plane

Rosie and I were packing for Africa. I was just telling Rose that she doesn't need to bring makeup, straightener, curling iron, blow dryer, or any electronics.

We were also trying to close our suitcases by sitting on them and zipping them up.

" Okay," said Rosie. " No electronics and no makeup. Okay, Alls?"

" Great," I said. We were both sitting on Rosie's suitcase. " Zip it, Rose!"

She zips it up and yells, " Perfecto!"

" Good," I said.

My dad walks in. " Are you girls ready to go?"

" Yeah, Dad," I said.

" Alright. Here's emergency money or money you might spend at the gift shop."

He hands both of us one hundred and twenty dollars each.

" 120 dollars?" gasped Rosie. "Uncle Lester, I thought you were a cheapskate?"

" Excuse me?" said Dad. " I'm not always a cheapskate."

" Really?" I said. " Last paycheck, you paid me in fries and paid Rosie in tater tots."

" And they were good," said Rosie.

Dad drove us to pick up Dez, Austin, and Trish.

" Africa better be great," said Trish.

" Trish, come on," said Austin. " It's a beautiful country. There's animals, people..."

" No cell phones. No computer. Nothing! Austin, since when did you like animals?"

" I'm a lover to all animals, Trish," said Austin.

" What about that time you saw that spider and screamed like a girl?" said Dez.

When he said that, we all started laughing.

" It was a tarantula!" said Austin.

" It was a wolf spider," said Dez. " It was the size of a quarter."

We laughed harder.

My dad dropped us off at the airport. We headed on the plane.

I sat next to Austin, while Rosie and Dez sat behind us, and Trish sat in front of us.

I was reading the second Hunger Games book.

" This book is good," I said.

" What is it?" asked Austin.

" Catching Fire," I answered. " It's the second book of the Hunger Games."

" I thought we were going to see the movie in November."

" I know. I'm just reading it."

" I don't get why they had to make a another one. It's gonna be the same. Two people from 12 districts come and kill each other. "

" Well, this one is different."

" This is like that time we went to watch the premiere of the last Twilight movie."

" We saw it the week after that because they were full."

" Yeah. Then, you snuck in through the back door and stole the movie from the projection room. We all got chased by the crowd."

" Well, where's a pontoon plane when you need one?"

Austin starts giggling at my joke.

" So what are we staying in Africa?" asked Austin.

" We're staying with a tribe that my mom is with. They're called the Wachati."

" The Wa-whati?"

" Wachati. They're having a wedding for their prince."

" Nice."

" By the way, a little advice when you get there."

" Yeah?"

" Don't sneeze or cough there."

" Why?"

" They've lived in the same land for thousands of years. They never knew about diseases until… the white men came."

" So if I sneeze, they'll have a spear near my neck."

" Probably."

Rosie popped her out next to us from behind.

" Ally, how long will we be on here?" She asked.

" Maybe six more hours," I said.

" Ugh!" she groaned.

" Take a nap, Rose," suggested Austin. " Like Trish."

Trish was in front of us asleep. She had on her pink blindfold on and she snored loud.

" Does Trish really snore this loud?" asked Rosie.

" That depends," said Austin. " Is Trish half grizzly bear?"

I giggled.

After that, Austin fell asleep. He doesn't snore. Just slobbers a little.

When Austin woke up, I fell asleep. During my endless sleep, Austin tapped me on the shoulder and whispering, " Ally, wake up."

I opened my eyes.

" We're here," said Austin.

" We're in Africa?"

" We're in Africa."


	3. Calahan's Consulate

All five of us got off the plane.

I explained to Trish, Dez, and Austin about the sacred animal.

" So what exactly is this animal?" asked Trish.

" My mom never said," I said. " It could be a tiger, a-a monkey, or…"

" A penguin!" interrupted Dez.

" Sweetie, there's no penguins in Africa," said Rosie.

" They could be a penguin."

Anyways. We went to get our suitcases. We all got ours, except Rosie.

" Guys, I can't find my suitcase," said Rosie. " It's missing."

" Really?" asked Trish.

" Yeah."

" Well, we don't have time to find it," said Austin.

" Yeah," I said. " Rosie, you can just borrow mine and Trish's clothes."

" Okay," sighed Rosie.

After Rosie lost her suitcase, we headed to the gift shop.

Austin got shades, Rosie bought sandals and a stuffed elephant, and Trish got a pink sun hat.

" So who's gonna pick us up?" asked Dez.

" My mom's partner, Tomball," I said.

We found Tomball waiting for us.

He was old like in his late 40's. His hair was dark grey and curly. Also, he was chubby and had a cane to help him walk. He was in a safari outfit.

" Hello," said Tomball. He had a British accent. " You must be Ally."

" Yes," I said. " These are my friends."

After we introduced ourselves, Tomball said, " We should get going. Which one of you can drive?"

" Me," said Dez.

We got in a Jeep and drove off. Dez was driving, Tomball was in the front, Rosie, Austin, Trish, and I were in the back. Rosie was on the left side, Trish was next to her, and I sat between Trish and Austin.

As we passed by, we saw a bunch of animals. Giraffes, lions, zebras, antelopes, and other animals. Also, we passed by a sign that said McDonalds.

" So there is a McDonalds?" said Trish.

" How far to the crime scene?" asked Dez.

" Well, I've been instructed to take you children to the consulate," said Tomball. " So we'll have to circle a-around!"

Dez made a fast turn. He was going fast through the jungle.

We were screaming. Rosie yelled, "Dez! What are you doing?"

" Driving fast!" said Dez.

" Dez, slow down!" yelled Austin.

" I'm gonna puke!" screamed Trish.

She grabbed her bag from the gift shop and threw up in there. I leaned against Austin, as Trish threw up.

" Gross!" I whined.

" Mr. Dez, could you please slow down a little bit?" said Tomball.

" Don't worry," said Dez. " The consulate is right there!"

Finally, we stopped. Dez parked. We all breathed in and out.

" The general's car is alright," said Tomball. He said about the car next to us.

We all got out of the car. The consulate was big, white, and at least three stories high.

We all got out.

" Dez?" said Trish.

" Yeah," he said.

" Don't… ever drive like that AGAIN!"

" Okay. Sorry."

Tomball led us to the side of the house. I spot a trainer with an elephant.

" Down, Boba!" said the trainer. " I say down!"

When Boba sat down, the trainer said, " Good boy."

Everybody was dressed formally. All the men were tuxedoes and the women were in dresses. I didn't know what we were gonna wear. Should we have dressed formal?

Tomball led us to a man. He had a dark mustache and grey hair. He had on a blue jacket, white pants, black boots, and an ascot on. For some reason, there was a white stain on his shoe.

" Calahan," said Tomball.

" Aww," said the man. " Tomball."

" Calahan, I would like you to meet Penny Dawson's daughter, Ally and Penny's niece, Rosie."

Calahan kissed my hand and Rosie's hand. Then, he kissed Trish's hand, and shook Dez and Austin's hand.

" Shall we?" said Calahan.

" Shall we?" Rosie mimicked.

As we followed him inside, he said, "So I believed Mrs. Dawson hired you five to find the Wachati's sacred animal."

" Yes, sir," said Austin. " It's okay. I'm a lover to all animals."

" Yes, Mr. Austin. We've been co-existing with the tribes for the past two hundred years. They're like family to us."

" Oh, really," I said.

" Yes, Ms. Ally. The Wachutus are bloodthirsty. With the animal stolen, they believe it as an insult and a curse."

" Aww, Calahan!" said a man. "Lovely brunch I must say."

The man was tall and had glasses. He was in a white suit and had black hair. Also, he had a raven on his shoulder.

" Fredick," said Calahan. " Fredick, this is Penny Dawson's daughter and her friends. Children, this is Fredick. He owns Fredrick's Safari Land."

" Say hello, Nini," Fredick said to his raven. Then, they left.

A security guard who was African American came towards us.

" Oh, this is Hitu," said Calahan. "Chief of tribal security in the profits. Follow me to the projection room."

We all followed them into the projection room. We sat on the sides of the table, while Dez and Rosie sat in the front.

The lights were turned off and Calahan showed us a little slideshow.

He showed us a picture of a man.

" This is Oliver Gaylor," said Calahan. " He makes a living by collecting rare and endanger species. Hitu."

Next was another slide of two men. One was tall and lanky. The other was bald and short.

" These two are Australians," said Calahan. " The bald one is Rex Brashly. The other is called Mick."

Suddenly, Dez made a shadow puppet o a bunny. Then, Rosie made a shadow puppet of dog. She playfully made her dog bite Dez's bunny.

Then, Calahan slammed his fists down on the table and stood up. Rosie and Dez stopped, and acted innocent. Calahan stood in front of the slideshow.

" Ms. Rosie!" yelled Calahan. " Mr. Dez! This wedding is going to be in four days. I can't have blood on my profits! We're counting on you!"

Dez showed her hands as shadow puppets. He pretended to pinch Calahan's nimples. We all started laughing.

When Calahan covered his chest with his jacket, Dez made a shadow on Calahan's face and screamed, " Hi-ho, Silver! Away!"

After that, Calahan led us out of there. Calahan said, " Before you go, I want to show you children something."

He opened the doors to his office. We walked in there. I was shocked.

There were animals on the wall. Stuffed. They have been killed and nailed on there.

" Enjoy my office?" asked Calahan.

" It's a lovely room…" said Rosie. "of death. Take care now. Bye."

When we walked outside, the trainer and Boba, the elephant walked past us.

" Down, Boba," said Rosie. Suddenly, Boba sat on Calahan's car.

" Rosie!" I said.

" Up, Boba," said Rosie. " Ty-chea. Gru-mona-ree."

Boba followed the trainer again.

I looked at Calahan's car. The front was damaged after Boba sat on it.

" Rosie, how could you?" said Tomball.

" What?" said Rosie. " I speak elephant, you know? Just be lucky that I don't speak tiger."


	4. Tribes

We had to walk to the tribes.

" How much longer?" asked Trish.

" Just a mile ahead," said Tomball.

We continued to walk. After a while, Tomball sat on a rock and said, "Excuse me, kids. I have to rest."

" So, Tomball, what kind of animal is this?" I asked.

" It's a bat," said Tomball.

" What?" asked Austin. " A bat? You didn't say anything about a bat."

" Austin, it's okay," I said. " It's just a bat."

" I hate bats!"

" Austin, you said you loved all animals," said Trish.

" Except bats!" said Austin.

" But we have to take the case." I said.

" O-Okay. Let's keep going. I'm not touching it though!"

Wow. Austin used to be afraid of umbrellas. Now he's afraid of bats.

We finally got to the tribe. Everybody was wearing animal skin and leather-like material.

I saw my mom. She came running towards me and hugs me to death.

" Ally, you're here!" shrieked Mom.

" Mom!"

She pulled me out of the hug and hugged Rosie.

We put our suitcases in our huts and Mom led us to the Chief's hut.

The Chief was chubby and bulky. He had a big hat of feathers.

" Ay-gata-no-way," he said. " Ekay-gavia."

" He said its nice to meet you all," said Mom.

" Aunt Penny, tell him that we are happy to meet him," said Rosie. "And that his scared bat is as good as found."

" Aso-anumi," translated Mom. "Fa-loogy-asa-ooshoot."

He started laughing.

Suddenly, a young girl came.

" Oh, guys," said Mom. " This is the chief's daughter, Ashanti. I taught her some English."

" Hello," said Ashanti. " You must be Allison."

" Yes, I am," I said.

Austin walked in front of me and said to Ashanti, " And I'm Austin. Hello, your majesty." He bows down to her.

" Nice to meet you, Austin," said Ashanti.

Great. We're in another country and Austin has already flirted with some girl… who's a princess.

The chief led us to the scared bat's hut.

When we got in there, Dez took a step near the bat's cage

" Ala-shee shikaka!" yelled the Chief.

Dez jumped back and the Chief held his knife at Dez. Rosie wraps her arms around Dez from behind.

" Hey, what's the big idea?" said Rosie. " What gives you the right to hold that knife at my boyfriend?"

" Guys, that's scared ground," said Mom. " I'm sorry. But only the Wachati can be there?"

" Take it easy, Chief," I said to him. "We mean you know harm."

He looks at me, then walks toward my mom. He started talking in his language to my mother.

" Thank you, Chief," said Mom.

She walks back to me and Austin, and says, " Now the Chief says that if the bat isn't returned before the marriage of the prince, the entire Wachati tribe will meet their death."

" Mrs. Dawson," said Austin. "Exactly what kind of bat is this?"

" The great white bat."

" Wait," I said. " Are you talking about… C-Crule-bus-culler Ky-ra-para?"

" Yes, but to the Natives… Shikaka."

Once my mom said that, the Chief and Ashanti kneeled down to their knees and stood back up.

" Wait," said Austin. " Shikaka."

They kneeled down again and stood up.

" Shika… kaaah," said Austin. " Shikas-sha."

They were about to kneel down but they stood up.

" Awww!" said Austin. " I got you there."

" Austin," I said. " This is how you do it. Shi…shichcabob! Sh.…Sha-shank-cra-demtion! Chica-go!"

Finally, the Chief fell to his knee. I said, " You're out of there!"

After that, nighttime arrives. The Wachatis have a little party.

We were eating. I sat in between Austin and Trish.

" Mrs. Dawson, this food is delicious," said Austin. " And the pottery is lovely."

" Oh, Austin," said Ashanti. " It is made from guano."

" Guano? That sounds familiar."

As Austin begins licking the food off the bowl, I said, " Austin… guano is bat poop."

Once I said that, Austin dropped the bowl and started gagging.

" Guano is one of the main resorts here," said Mom. " They use guano to make many things."

" Including their bat's guano," asked Austin.

" Of course."

" So, Ashanti," I said. " Where's your brother? Isn't he the one getting married?"

" Yes, there he is now," said Ashanti.

They started playing music. All the dancers got on the ground. A handsome guy appeared. He started dancing.

His skin wasn't that dark. He had big, wide eyes. He was tall and lanky. That must be the prince. He was so attractive.

" What is he dancing?" I asked my mom.

" Oh, it's called the virgin's dance of seduction," said Mom. " Everyone has to be a virgin before they wed."

" A free Magic Mike," whispered Trish.

" Wow," I whispered.

" You got a dollar?"

" Sadly, no."

When he stopped dancing, we all started clapping. Then, they started playing music.

Once I stood up, the prince found me.

" Hello," he said.

" Hi," I said.

" You must be Allison." He grabs my hand and kisses it.

" Yes, I am. You…speak English?"

" Yes. Your mother–she taught me some words."

" Well, you speak good."

" Okay," interrupted Austin. " We have to go. Excuse me, your highness."

Austin dragged me away from the prince and into our group.

" So what's the plan?" asked Rosie.

" Ally and I are gonna search the hut," said Austin. " You three stay at the party and keep everybody here."

" We'll teach then Gangham Style," said Dez.

" Why?" said Trish.

" Austin said distract them and I don't think they know Gangham Style."

" Fine," I said. " Teach them Gangham Style. Come on, Austin."

Austin and I left and headed for the hut.

" What's wrong with you?" I asked.

" What?" He said.

" Why did you pull me away from the prince?"

" I was looking out for you. He was flirting with you."

" Flirting? Austin, he's getting married."

" So? I think it's an arranged marriage. Maybe he doesn't like his future wife."

When we got inside of the hut, no one was there.

" So how are we gonna search this place?" I asked Austin.

" We should check for fingerprints," he said.

" How are we gonna find fingerprints?"

" With this white powder stuff." He showed me it.

" Where did you get that stuff from?"

" From the gift shop."

" I hope in the Russian airport gift shops, there's no tazers."

Austin covered the entire hut with that powder stuff. After half an hour, he was done.

" So?" I asked.

" Nothing," he said.

" Wait a minute. Under the cage."

I knocked the cage over and found a black feather.


	5. Safari Park

I picked the feather up and looked at it. I gasped, " Whoa."

" Ally, what is it?" asked Austin.

" A feather."

" Just a feather?"

" No, this is a raven's feather. Who do we know that has a raven?"

" Frederick! He has a raven."

" Exactly. But why would he take Shikaka?"

" Well… he owns a safari park, right?"

" Yep."

" Maybe… business hasn't been good lately. He must've taken the bat to get more attraction."

" Austin, you're right."

" So he took it. I thought we could trust that guy."

Later on, my mom took us to the caves to investigate.

Dez was wearing those monster Stompees.

" Dez, why are you wearing those?" I asked.

" Cause I like them," he said. " I got it for Christmas from Rosie."

I looked at Rosie and said, "Stompees? Those are for kids."

" I know," said Rose. " Just be lucky I can sow. Dez has some big feet."

When we walked closer to the caves, Austin said, " Well nothing to see! Lets get going."

" Shouldn't we investigate the caves first?" asked Trish.

" There's no reason to go in there…ever," said Austin.

" But…" said Dez.

" It's dark!" said Austin. " I could fall in a hole!"

" Here take this," said Mom. She handed Austin the torch.

" Thank you, Mrs. Dawson," said Austin.

He carefully walked in there. We could still see the light. As he walks farther in, the light slowly disappears.

Moments later, we hear Austin scream. He ran out of the cave with bats flying out of the cave.

Austin ran near us and yelled, "They're in my hair! They're in my hair! God in heaven! Help me!"

" Austin!" I screamed. When he stopped, I said, " There's nothing in your hair."

" Oh, yeah," he said. He took something out of his pocket. It was a raven's feather. " Just as we suspected: Frederick."

" What?" asked Mom.

Austin handed it to my mom. " Ally and I found a feather like this inside the hut. Frederick has a raven named Nini. I found this one inside the cave."

" Guys, you don't understand," said Mom. " Frederick is a very powerful man."

" Well we're gonna have to spy on him," said Austin.

The next day, we followed Frederick all around. We spot him talking to Oliver Gaylor. He must've paid him to steal the bat.

The day after that, we found Frederick in his office at his Safari Park.

When we were hiding in there, Austin whispered, " Okay. I'll knock him out by hitting him in the head with a fire extinguisher."

" I'll distract him with something, okay," said Rosie.

" Wait, Rose," said Austin. " Is that my red button up shirt?"

" Oh, yeah."

" Why are you wearing it?"

" Ally's clothes are too small and Trish's clothes are too big. Your clothes fit good on me."

" Wait. Please don't tell me those are my jeans."

" Used to. I turned them into capris."

" Aww. Those were my favorite jeans."

" Just go distract him!" I interrupted.

Rosie went to hang something in front of the door. It was a… thong?

When Frederick opened the door, he saw the thong.

Austin jumped from behind and slammed the fire extinguisher on the back of Frederick's head. Frederick faints and falls to the ground.

" Good thing I got that thong with me," said Rosie.

" Let's tie him up," said Trish.

We dragged Frederick's body to anther room. We tie him up to a chair and he wakes up a few minutes later.

" What is this?" he said.

" Where's the bat?" I said.

" Who are you?" He said.

" Where's the bat?"

" I know who you are. I met you people at Calahan's. You're the children who's finding the bat."

" Last chance," said Austin. "Where's the damn bat?"

" What are you going to do?"

" Whatever we have to to get some answers out of you," said Rosie. "Dez, torture him."

Dez held up the kitchen knife and fork. He begun scratching the plate with the knife and fork. Torturing Frederick by making high irritating noise.

" Getting to you, uh?" said Dez.

" I'll never tell you anything," said Frederick.

Dez stopped the scratching. He put the fork and knife down. He walked over to him.

" Ooh, a tough guy, uh?" said Dez. " I know what to do with tough guys."

" Bring out the big guns, Dez," said Austin.

Dez pulled the bottom skin of his eye down and poked the white side of his eye.

" No!" screamed Frederick. " My brother used to do that to me! Stop IT! Stop it!"

" Gettin' to you, uh, Frederick!" yelled Trish.

" Alright!" yelled Frederick. " I'll talk!"

Dez stops and screams, " Spill it!"

" I paid Gaylor to find the bat!"

" Wait, what?" asked Rosie.

" I thought it could be an attraction. Business hasn't been good lately."

" So…" said Austin. " you don't know who took the bat?"

" Neither does Gaylor!" said Frederick.

" Okay!" said Rosie. " We should untie you now."

We untie him. Frederick says, "Follow me, children."

He led us outside to his car with two of his workers.

We all got inside. He started driving us.

Suddenly, his workers grabbed Dez and threw him out.

" Hey, what are you doing?" yelled Rosie. Then, they grabbed her and threw her out.

Then, Austin. Then, Trish. Then, me.

I fell on top of them. I screamed, "Thanks for the lift! We'll walk from here."

We started walking back to the Wachati tribe.

" Okay," said Trish. " Frederick's out of the picture. We have no more suspects or clues."

" It has to be those poachers," said Austin.

" But Austin, someone has to have paid them to steal Shikaka," I said.

" Ouch!" said Rosie.

" Rosie, what's wrong?" I asked.

She pulled a dart with a red feather out of her neck.

" A dart," she said. " Run!"

We all started running. Someone's trying to get us.

Rosie screams and falls to the ground. We all stopped and looked back. There were four darts on her back.

" Rosie!" yelled Dez. He ran back to get her. " Go on without me!" He screamed at us. Then, two darts hit his neck.

Trish, Austin, and I continued to run. Trish fell and three darts hit her back.

" Trish!" I screamed.

" Ally, look out!" yelled Austin. He grabbed me and threw me in the back of him.

Two darts hit his chest. He fell.

" Austin!" I screamed.

" Run, Ally!" He yelled.

I ran. Two darts hit my back, but I was still going. Then, three darts hit my arms.

When I got to a tree, I leaned on there and said to myself, " I think I lost them."

Suddenly, three more darts hit my back and I fainted.


	6. The Wachootoos

Oh, my God. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead.

Why did we have to go to Africa? Who the hell is trying to stop us? Those poachers are working for somebody. They have that bat.

Darkness was all over the place. Where am I?

All of sudden, I felt a wet towel on top of my head. Someone is rubbing it on me.

My eyes open. I saw the prince. He was rubbing water on my head with a towel.

" Hello, Ally," he said.

" Hi," I whispered.

I stood up and my mom was standing across from us. Also, Dez, Austin, Rosie, ad Trish were barely waking up. Ashanti was rubbing Austin's forehead.

" Was I talking in my sleep?" asked Trish.

" It was hallucinations," said Mom. "It's a natural reaction to the poison in these darts." My mom revealed one of the darts that shot us.

" Water," said Ashanti. She gave Austin a bowl of water.

Austin took a sip, then spit it out.

" Austin, what's wrong?" I asked.

" Guano bowls," whispered Austin. "Collect the whole sets."

" Guys," said Mom. " Did any of you see the shooter?"

" No," I said.

" Me neither," said Trish.

" Only their feet," said Dez. " Not enough for a positive I.D."

" Wait, have you two seen these darts?" I asked Ashanti and the prince.

" Yes," said the prince. " That is the dart of the Wachootoo shaman."

" The Wati-whatin?" said Austin.

" The Wachootoo shaman or medicine man makes this darts," said Mom. "Also he has openly protested against the intertribal wedding."

" Guys," I said. " We're gonna have a little visit with the Wachootoos."

We all got up and walked out of the hut. Mom, the Prince, and Ashanti followed us.

" None of you speak Wachootoo," said the Prince.

" I will come with you," said Ashanti.

" Yes," I said. " Ashanti can come with us."

" No," said the Prince.

" Your highness," said Austin. "None of them are gonna touch her. We just need her translate."

" Ally!" said Mom. " Please be careful. The Wachootoos are a savage tribe. If they catch any of you, they'll show no mercy."

" Don't worry, Mom," I said. " We will be as a grain of salt in the ocean. A fly on the wall."

" Yeah, Aunt Penny," said Rosie. "We'll be like a transparent… thing."

After that, Ashanti led us to the Wachootoo tribe. We snuck in late at night. They were having a party. All o them had white drawings on them. We all hide in the bushes.

" The bat has to be in one of those huts," I said. " I'll go search in them."

" Ally, how are you gonna walk past them?" asked Austin.

I looked and spotted one of those African masks.

" Let's just say that I'm a master of disguise," I said.

I grabbed the mask and took my shoes off. Then, I took my shirt off to be in my tank top underneath and put the mask on.

I jumped into the party and acted natural. Everybody was dancing so I danced. I did what they did. Shook my body, stomped, and threw my hands in the air.

As I danced, I carefully looked in some huts.

Nothing in that one. Nothing in that either.

I continued to dance. Suddenly, the music stopped. Everyone was looking at me. I realized that my mask fell off.

Suddenly, one of them held me from behind and another one held a dagger at my neck.

" Ally!" yelled Austin. " Let her go!"

My friends ran out of the bushes. But the Wachootoos circled around them and held their spears at them.

Austin blocked Trish an Ashanti, while Dez threw himself in front of Rosie in a protective crouch position.

Suddenly, the Wachootoos stepped away from all of us. My friends walked towards me.

Then, a guy came to us. He must be the Chief.

He shouted at us. Then, showed his disgusted yellow teeth.

" You know…" I said. " gingivitis is the number one cause of all tooth decay."

" Esquinsu ocha!" said the Chief.

" What does Esquinsu ocha mean?" I asked Ashanti.

" White devils," she said.

" White devils?" said Trish. " I'm Mexican."

" Tell them we're not," I said.

" I only met you. How do I know?" said Ashanti.

" Just tell them what I'm saying," I said. " I come in peace!"

" Esquinsu ocha Kay-oh we-nava-no," translated Ashanti.

" Did you refer me as white devil?"

" This is how they know you."

" Leave that part out."

" Okay."

" I represent that prince!"

" Opa gree-awa hin-saza!"

They all gave me a confused look.

" War is hell! The last thing we want is a fight!"

" Ray-mocha jo-pasa-hus co-nova!"

" Fra-Kay-ron!" said the Chief. "Wachootoo ree-gona-sasa wee-kalo!"

" Chief say that if you pass all Wachootoo test, you do not die," said Ashanti.

The next day, you wouldn't believe what I had to do.

I had to walk on fire, do open stomach surgery, deliver a baby, and other things I really don't want to talk about. Right now is the last test.

The Wachootoos were carry me to something. They threw me onto the ground. Some dirt got in my mouth.

I look up and the Chief, Ashanti, Trish, Rosie, Dez, and Austin were standing outside of the circle I was in.

" Ema gon-ama-wuh shoot-too," said the Chief. " A penny-gaw-no-may."

" Chief said that you have passed all Wachootoo test but one. The last one is Wachootoo Circle of Death."

I stood up and said, " A fight?"

" Yes."

" Okay. I can do this."

Behind me was a large man with a backpack. He turns around and there was a teenage Wachtootoo girl in the backpack. The man put her down and carefully opens the backpack. She jumps out of the backpack.

" I have to beat her?" I asked. I put my hair up and got ready.

I walked towards the girl. I said, "Alright. I don't wanna fight. But if you want it, you got it!"

I threw the first punch. But her teeth caught it. She was biting my hand. Finally, she lets go.

" Oh!" I yelled. " I was unaware that the Wachootoos were biters!"

I ran towards her, but she flipped me onto my back. God, it hurts.

" Ally," said Austin. " Just knock her off her feet, okay?"

" I'll try," I said. Then, she grabbed me by my upper mouth and dragged me away.

Suddenly when she lets go, she started messing with my hair. After she stopped, she said, " Esquinsu ocha!"

I stood up and noticed that she made my hair into devil horns.

" Alright!" I said. " I had enough of this ' Esquinsu ocha' stuff!"

" Yeah," shouted Austin. " Go Ally!"

" Kick her ass, Ally!" yelled Rosie.

When I thought I could beat her, I couldn't. She punched me multiples times in the face. Then, she banged my head onto their drums. After that, she buried my body except my head in dirt.

I got out of the dirt. The girl yelled, "Esquinsu ocha eefa-mah-jay!"

" She said, ' Sorry, White Devil, but she must kill you now.' " said Ashanti.

Someone threw the girl a spear. I said, " You can't catch me. I got the reflexes of a cat. Throw it! I dare you!"

She threw it. It landed on my thigh. I started screaming and crying like an idiot.

" Rosie!" I cried out. " Throw me a spear!"

Rosie grabbed me a spear and accidentally threw it into my other thigh. I continued to scream.

The Chief begun laughing. All of the Wachootoos started laughing.

I fell down. Suddenly, the girl pulled the spears out of my thighs.

She and the Chief helped me up. All of them were laughing at me.

" Chief say that you make him laugh," said Ashanti. " You are like a baby."

After that, they all stopped laughing. The Chief started talking in their language.

" Chief say that you are all friends to Wachootoo," said Ashanti.

He started talking again. Ashanti said, " But if curse of Shikaka not lifted by tomorrow's sun at top of sky, Wachootoo kill all Wachati and smash your heads on a rock."

" Okay, bye!" I said. We all started walking away, until someone shot me in the butt.

I checked and found one of their darts on my butt. The Wachootoo started laughing. I pretended like it hurt, then we all ran away from there.

" Okay, so they didn't take Shikaka," said Rosie. " Then who did?"

I took the dart out of my butt and looked at it. I took the dart that shot us early and compared them. They were different.

" Guys, they didn't take Shikaka," I said.

" How do you know?" asked Ashanti.

" The darts that shot us early were shot by someone else."

" How can you tell? They're both the same, " asked Austin.

" Only to the untrained eye. You see the Wachootoo dart is made of wood from a mimosa tree, while the other one is carved from a red fungus-beating acalla. And there's only one area of the jungle with red fungus-bearing acalla."

I said to Ashanti, " Ashanti, go back to the village. Tell them that the Wachootoos attack tomorrow at noon."

" Okay," she said. She ran off to warn the Wachati.

" Come on, guys," I said. " This dog has just picked up a scent."

I led them into a certain area in the jungle. We found a little hut in there. We carefully got next to the window.

Austin sneaked a peek and saw who was in there.

He mouthed to us, " It's those poachers."

" Mick and Rex?" I whispered.

Austin nodded. We overheard their conversation.

" Won't be long now, Rex," said Mick. " Big night tonight. You're gonna meet your new owner."

" G'day," said Rex. " Disgusting rat!"

He kicked something and we heard a bat screech.

" It's Shikaka!" whispered Trish. "We have to get inside!"

" But we need to get them out first," whispered Austin.

" Don't worry," said Dez. " Leave that to muah."

Suddenly, Dez started making these grunting sounds. It sounded like a gorilla.

" Did you hear that?" said Mick.

" What?" said Rex.

" Sliverback."

" Female. Big."

" Here?"

" 200 meters south. We can get 5,000 dollars for one of those."

" What about the bat?"

" This will only take a sec."

" Alright."

We watched as the both of them leave their hut. When they were far away, Rosie says, " You three get the bat. Dez and I will be look out."

" Okay," I said.

Austin, Trish, and I walked in there. There was Shikaka. It was pure white with bloody red eyes.

" God," said Austin. " She's even uglier than I thought."

" Just get the bat," I said.

We walked closer. There was white stuff in the cage.

" What is that?" asked Austin.

Trish scooped a little bit of it in her fingers. She sniffed and gagged, " It's her guano!"

" Wipe it on my knee," said Austin. Trish rubbed it all on Austin's knee.

" You're disgusting," said Austin.

" She's a big one, isn't she?" said a voice.

We looked back and found the poachers. Then, they banged us on our heads, knocking us unconscious.


	7. Solved

Not again. Trapped in an endless sight of darkness. I have to get out. I have to get out now!

My eyes open. I was staring at the big blue sky. I looked around.

I was on a little boat. Trish, Austin, Dez, and Rosie were all unconscious. All our hands were tied up on the sides.

" Guys!" I yelled. " Guys, wake up!"

They all wake up. Rosie says, "Where are we?"

" I don't know," I said. " We have to get out of here."

Austin and Dez started untying their hands free with their teeth.

" Got it!" shouted Dez.

Austin looked and said, " Oh, my God! We're in a waterfall!"

" Waterfall!" screamed Rosie.

Dez and Austin started to untie Trish and Rosie.

After Austin unties Rosie, he tries untying me.

" Ally, yours are to untie!" said Austin.

" Oh, no!" screamed Trish.

" Austin, just jump off!" I said. "Save yourselves."

" I'm not leaving you!" yelled Austin.

" Hit the deck!" screamed Rosie.

Suddenly, we went down into the waterfall.

Once I hit the water, I begun drowning. Something was pulling me down. It was the boat. I was still tied on there.

My eyes opened. I tried pulling myself off of there, but I couldn't.

Suddenly, a pair of hands were untying my hands. It was Austin.

Finally, I was free but lightheaded. Austin held me by the waist and swam up to the surface.

When we got to the surface, I could breathe again.

When I breathe again, I said, "Austin… you saved me."

" I'll never let you die," he said.

" Austin! Ally!" yelled Trish. She, Dez, and Rosie hugged us to death.

We got out of the water and went back to the Wachati tribe.

After we were dried off, I said, " I guess it's bye bye Wachatis."

" This doesn't make any sense," said Austin. " Who paid those poachers to take Shikaka?"

" What's that white stuff on your pants, Austin?" said Dez.

" Oh, it's the bat's guano."

" I've seen this before."

" What?" said Trish. " Dez, you've ever seen the bay's cage."

" No," said Dez. " I've seen it somewhere else. Calahan!"

" What?" I said.

" Remember this first day we met Calahan," said Dez. " He had a white substance on his shoe."

" Yeah," said Rosie.

" That was guano!"

" What?" I asked.

" Come on," said Dez.

We got in the car and he drove back to the Consulate.

" Dez, if Calahan took Shikaka, then why did he do it?" asked Austin.

" When we were in his office, I was reading a book that has all the answers," said Dez.

Once he parked the car, Hitu was outside.

" Hi, Chief," said Dez. " Let's go kick some Consulate butt!"

Hitu followed us inside. We walked into the office.

Calahan was sitting in his desk, while my mother was looking at one of his books.

" Hello, children," said Calahan. " You come for money?"

" Wrong again, Sweeney Toad!" yelled Austin. " We've come for Shikaka. Where is she?"

" Oh, Austin, what ever can you mean?" said Calahan.

" Guano!" I said. " Hello! Does bat poop ring a bell? Dez, show them what you know?"

Dez grabbed a book and landed on a page.

" Guano mines as a source of nitrate," said Dez. " Producing 84% of the world's supply of fertilizer a $1.4 billion industry."

Dez slammed the book shut and yells, " That's what this war is all about! You can't legally take possession of the caves as long as the Wacahtis inhabit the area. And you want that guano so bad that you could taste it."

" That's a one theory, Mr. Dez," said Calahan. " What's it got to do with me?"

" The guano stain on my pants," said Austin. " is the same stain on your shoe."

Dez grabbed Calahan's shoe and lifted it up. The guano stain is still on there.

" A perfect match," said Dez.

He dropped Calahan's foot. Rosie comes forward and says, " Take that, Captain Compost! Good job, Dez. I'm proud of you."

" Very good, Mr. Dez," said Calahan. " I believe you all solved the case."

" One thing I still don't understand, Mr. Belvedere!" I said. " If you were behind, why did you hire us?"

" I'm afraid there was going to be an investigation after the war," said Calahan. " You were all my alibis to prove I've done everything I could to stop it."

" Not anymore," said Dez. " Arrest him, Hitu!"

Hitu just stood there. Suddenly, the doors opened. It was the poachers.

They revealed Shikaka. Austin got a scared look on his face.

" I thought you loved all animals, Mr. Austin," said Calahan."

" I thought you lobed ALL animals, Mr. Austin!" mimicked Austin. " Who asked you?"

Mick pulled out a dagger. We all gasped.

" No!" screamed Mom.

" Come any closer and they get it!" said Rex.

" Calahan, should I stick Blondie on the wall first?" asked Mick.

" No, Mick," said Calahan. " These children had cleverly stolen the scared bat."

" Don't worry, guys," said Dez. "There's only one last thing to do."

He rolled onto the floor and yelled, "Rosie, hit the lights!"

Dez crawled all over the floor. He screamed, " It's behind on the wall there! Go for it!"

He continued to crawl. " Flick it. Quick!"

Dez hid under the table. Trish asked, " Why are you dating him?"

" I don't know," said Rosie. " Dez, get up."

Dez stood up and Hitu took us away.


	8. Rescue

We were being led to a car by Hitu. Austin got kicked in the butt by Hitu.

" Hey, what are you?" yelled Austin. " H.R. Shuff-n-Stuff?"

Rosie was next to the door. Hitu yelled, " Get it!"

He opens the door and Rosie says, "Wait! There's one last thing I need to say."

What's Rosie gonna do? She was looking at Boba the elephant, who was a few yards from us.

" Hoo-she-boo-boo-shay," said Rosie. " Ho-she-ba! Hoo-she-baba-sha!"

" What are you doing?" hissed Hitu.

Suddenly, Boba came running towards us.

" Hoo-sha-ba!" yelled Rosie.

" Stop it!" yelled Hitu. " I said stop it!"

" Stand back, guys!" said Rosie. Boba knocked Hitu unconscious, then he knocked the car over with his trunk. He was calm again.

" Way to go, Boba!" said Austin.

" How are we gonna stop Calahan?" asked Trish.

" I got an idea," I said. " Rosie, get us on Boba."

" Boba, Fra-oh-te-ya!" said Rosie.

Boba lifted his front leg up and we all climbed on top of him.

" To the jungle, Boba!" I yelled.

He took us inside of the jungle. When he stopped, I screamed, " Friends, rodents, quadrupeds, lend me your ears!"

I started doing the Tarzan yell.

Mick and Rex hold an awaken Hitu. Hitu explains to Calahan what had happened. Calahan slapped Hitu.

" Idiot!" said Calahan. " You let them get away?"

" Calahan, how could you?" yelled Mom. " The entire tribe will be killed because of you! I thought they were like family!"

" Remind me to send an apology card, Penny!" said Calahan.

" We'll go and them maggots!" said Rex.

" It's too late, Rex," said Calahan. "There's nothing they can do now. We got the bat, and it's almost noon."

Suddenly, animals noises started to spook Calahan. Lion growls, monkeys screeches, and elephant howls.

" What the hell is going on?" screamed Calahan.

Then, all the animals we gathered busted through the walls and into Calahan's office.

Boba knocked Hitu out cold again. Birds attacked the poachers. Chimps throw books all over. Lions bite and tear the couch up, and we came in on ostriches.

I jumped off mine and yelled, " You see… humans and animals can live in harmony!"

Calahan said, " I had enough of you!"

He grabs the rifle off the wall and aimed at me.

Oh, God. This is it. I'm dead!

" No," yelled Austin. He jumped in front of me. " You can't take her! I won't let you!"

Before Calahan could pull the trigger, someone punched him in the face. Calahan fell to the ground. It was my mom.

" Mom?" I said surprisingly.

" Sorry for the delay, guys," said Mom.

Austin, Dez, and I grabbed some skunks and headed towards the poachers.

" Hey, poachers!" said Dez. " Say hello to our stinky little friends!"

" No!" They both screamed.

We all three lifted their tails up and they sprayed the poachers.

Finally after eight more seconds o spraying, we stop it. The poachers fainted.

Calahan woke up and got the bat. He said to the animals, " Out! Get out of the way!"

" Not so fast, Sally!" screamed Austin.

Austin ran towards Calahan, but he spooked them by revealing Shikaka. Austin screamed and ran back to us.

" Austin!" I yelled.

" Sorry," he said. " Come on, guys."

Dez, Trish, Austin, Rosie, and I chased Calahan outside. He jumped into his car and drove off with Shikaka.

" Dez, where's the keys?" asked Austin.

" I lost them!" He said.

" We don't have time," said Rosie. "Let's get in one of these cars."

" Let's take Rex and Mick's car," said Austin.

I looked up and saw a black monster truck.

" That?" I asked.

" Good thing I can Hotwire," said Austin. " Let's go!"

We jumped into the monster truck. Rosie, Dez, and Trish were in the back, I was in the passenger seat, and Austin was driving.

Austin was hotwiring the truck. When the engine starts, he says, "Got it!"

We started chasing after Calahan.

After he spot us, he drives off the road. We still followed him.

Austin took the fire lighter out and dropped it into Calahan's lap.

His eyes were off the road. He was trying to get te burning lighter off his lap.

When Calahan finally got the lighter, he says, " Ahh-haa!"

Austin pointed to the front and Calahan crashed into a tree. Shikaka in her cage goes flying into a tree.

Austin made a big turn and stopped. We were looking at Calahan. Austin stepped on the gas. We headed towards Calahan.

Before we could run him over, Calahan jumped out of his jeep. We crushed it.

Calahan tried to get the bat, but instead he runs.

All of us jump out of the jeep. Austin looks at the bat and gags.

" Guys, it's noon," said Rosie. " The war!"

" One of us has to bring the bat to the Wachati," said Dez.

" But someone is the fastest out of all of us," I said. " The only blonde."

We all looked at Austin. He says, " No. No. No!"

" Austin," I said.

" Okay!" he said. " I'll do it."

He carefully grabs Shikaka and runs for his life. We follow him. He screams while running with Shikaka.

The two tribes saw each other. They ran at each other. Before they could fight, Austin ran in between them , held Shikaka in the air, and screamed, " Shikaka!"

Suddenly, the two tribes kneel down. Austin headed towards the bay's hut. He yelled, " Out of the way. Coming through here. Clear a path, people!"

I looked around and spotted Calahan trying to escape.

I yelled, " Esquinsu ocha! Esquinsu ocha!"

The two tribes looked up and saw Calahan. They all started chasing him.

Dez, Trish, Rose, and I ran to the bat's hut.

By the time we got in there, Austin put Shikaka back in her cage and locked it.

" Austin, you did it!" I yelled. We all ran and hugged him.

" No, we did it!" he said. " We saved the tribe."


	9. Happy Ending

After the war, Shikaka is returned and her curse is lifted. We don't know what happened to Calahan but he's gone now.

The wedding of the price begun. I realized something. The Wachootoo girl that beat me up was his fiancée. He was marrying her!

The Wachootoo chief said, " Nada-thoo-gonga. Wee-nee-walla-nah-way! Ah-su-no!"

The newly weds walked into their hut. Everyone started cheering.

" Way to go, guys," said Mom. " I'm proud of you all."

" Good thing no one got hurt," said Austin.

" Hey, Austin," I said.

" Yeah," he asked.

" What was earlier about?"

" Earlier?"

" Calahan was about to shoot me. You jumped in front of me and said that you wouldn't let him take me."

" Oh, that."

" You'd really take a bullet for me?"

" I'll always take bullet for you, Ally."

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder. We smiled at each other.

Suddenly, the Wachootoo princess comes out of the hut. She screams, "Mis-shee! Mis-shee! Pica-rum!"

" Aunt Penny, what is she saying?" asked Rosie.

" She saying that he's… not a virgin," said Mom.

" They can tell that?" asked Austin.

" Who would…" I said. I looked at Trish. " Trish, you…"

" There's no phone service!" she shouted. " I was bored!"

The next thing we knew we were being chased by both tribes.

" Trish!" I yelled.

" Yeah?" She said.

" Next time we go to another country, don't do the prince!"


End file.
